Vacation Bible School

So, this week is our church's VBS. I had signed up to help with crafts, and I realized that they were going to have an Early Childhood VBS....ages 3-5. Initially, I was excited! I can take Ethan with me!!!! YEAH!!!!

And then I thought about VBS.....loud music, cheering kids, lots of transitions...all things that Ethan struggles with, and my joy was instantly deflated. One more thing he can't do. Or could he??? This debate, could or couldn't he, went back & forth in my mind for more than a week. Finally, I decided against it. He will be starting preschool soon, and that will be enough of a challenge for him....let's pass on the VBS for this year. And we made the right decision.

But tonight, since I was kid-free, I was able to look around & observe the other 3-5 year olds. Several of them had their hands over their ears while the music was playing. Many of them were crying for their Mom or Dad.  LOTS of them had difficulty sitting in their pew & listening to the presentation. In my mind, my child sticks out like a sore thumb among his peers. But tonight as I watched those kids, I'm not sure Ethan would act all that different from the other children his age.

I think a lot of times, I am super paranoid that Ethan is going to be the ONLY child who needs extra time, extra care, extra help.....but tonight I realized that he's not the only one. They are so little. They all need someone to help them. And this evening, I was able to step out of my "autism bubble", and look around at the others....the others who are crying, screaming, & covering their ears. "Typical" kids. Then I had an "Ah-ha" moment.

My job is to help Ethan be as comfortable as he can be in new environments through social stories, studying pictures of places before we go, providing him with calming aids...........but I can't STOP him from being upset or afraid or nervous. He's a kid.....he's a human-being....and we all have these emotions. I can't stop it from happening, but I can help him. And I am realizing that when Ethan becomes upset or agitated with a "trigger", I see it as MY failure. I have failed to help him because he is having a meltdown. But, Jessica, meltdowns happen....with every kid. Imagine how much harder it would be for Ethan if I hadn't done all I had done for him....in whatever situation that might be. I can't PREVENT the emotion....I can only help him DEAL with it. And when he has meltdowns, it's not that I have failed him as his Mom.....it's because he is a 3 year old. He's a 3 year old, Jessica!

Who knew VBS would be so insightful & healing?! HA!