I wish I had a penny for each time I get asked this question.....I could probably pay for Ethan's college on that alone. And, while this is a very personal decision between Corey & I, neither of us have any problem talking about this topic. The simple answer is no. No....we are not planning on having any other children. Here is why....
1 - Read "Our Story"......I had a TERRIBLE pregnancy & I NEVER want to be pregnant again. Not only was my morning sickness throughout my entire day & my entire pregnancy, but I had to be placed on bed rest as well. People will say, "...but every pregnancy is different. That may not happen the next time." I totally get that, but I am not a gambler. We don't want to take the chance because IF that would happen again, I would be out of commission during what I feel are critical early intervention years.
2 - I have been told that the chance of having another child with autism increases by 20% if you already have a child with autism. People will say, "I know a family that has a bunch of children and only one has autism." I understand that as well.....and I know families with that same situation as well, but, again.....I am not a gambler. If we were to have another child with autism, of course we would love him/her. However, so much of my brain power & physical energy has been put towards understanding autism as well as Ethan's specific issues/personal therapies. I know that I wouldn't be able to give both children what they would need from me.
3 - We are content. Corey & I are head over heels for our Ethan! Neither of us feel as if we are missing something. We love our little family of three! We haven't had any difficulty getting rid of Ethan's baby stuff or missing the baby days. Honestly, we are glad they are behind us! So, even if Ethan hadn't been diagnosed with autism, we would still feel the same about having more children.
4 - Even though Ethan doesn't have any siblings living in his house, he has EIGHT COUSINS!!!! And they all live in the same town as us, and they all attend the same church as us! We are very fortunate to have a very close-knit, large family, and Ethan loves to play with his cousins. Recently, my only sister & her husband approached us with the idea of having me care for her 2 kids while they were at work. There were several reasons why it would work for them, but we all felt like the best reason of all was for Ethan to be able to have "siblings" around his house. This has been one of the best things for Ethan, and we are so lucky to have this opportunity.
Ethan is learning to share, his level of noise tolerance is getting better, and he is even learning to play with other kids. He is learning how to play simple games such as hide & seek, tag, and even simple turn taking games.....with his own peers & not mommy/daddy.
Every day after we (my niece, who is 18 months younger than Ethan, & myself) pick Ethan up from his PreSchool, when we get home & out of the van, Ethan will pick up one leaf & so will the little one. Then, I sing a silly song that I made up....."Ethan has a leaf & (my niece's name) has a leaf!" They think it's so funny......and I guess I am funny........to children under the age of 5! Then, knowing that they can't bring leaves in the house, they both....together.....throw the leaves back into the yard from our front porch....and then they come inside. I don't really know how this ritual started, but they do it everyday! Today, Ethan got out of the van first as I was unbuckling the little one from her car seat. Apparently, I was taking too long because Ethan brought a leaf over to us & handed it to his cousin.....and then started singing the song. Now, I know this is routine & Ethan loves routine, but what if we didn't have this cousin with us?!
Similarly, when we all take the oldest, who is 18 months older than Ethan, to his school (different from Ethan's) in the morning, the oldest & Ethan count to three & then say, "Pull!"......and pull open the doors to the school. Sometimes they even do this with the van doors. Again, what if we didn't have these kiddos for Ethan to play with everyday?! Ethan would not be getting as much peer interaction as he was prior to this new arrangement. Not only is Ethan with his peers at school for a couple of hours each day, but there are kiddos in our home for a big portion of his day. I think all of this has really helped Ethan's speech develop, his tolerance to noise/commotion grown, and definitely his interaction with others is getting so much better. So, to answer the question, no we are not going to have anymore kids. We already have NINE!!!!!!!!
Buying a jumbo box of goldfish crackers for kids snack = $6
Driving the kids to & from their schools = $30
Seeing the benefits of "siblings" = PRICELESS!!!!!!
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