HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!! Since it's the actual day of thanks, I figured it was only right that I share what I am most thankful for as I am learning to live with autism.....my faith in Jesus Christ.
I was always raised in church. Both of my parents are Christians, and my dad is even a pastor. So, I have been attending church ever since I was a baby. As most kids do, I prayed for Jesus to come into my heart almost every Sunday. But something happened to me when I was a young child that changed my faith-life forever. When I was in 2nd grade, my parents separated and then officially divorced when I was in 3rd grade. Since I was at a very impressionable age, I was very acute to how my parents would deal with this heartbreak....and both of them relied on their faith. This was a very monumental point in my life....seeing my parents endure such a difficult time, but never turning on their faith & both of them always relying on God. Then, when I was in 5th grade, my mom took me & my sister to a Carman concert. During the song, The Champion, God got a hold of my heart. I remember sitting down in my chair & crying. When my mom leaned down & asked me what was wrong, I told her that I didn't know. She said, " I think that God is speaking to you." As I silently shook my head yes, she prayed with me & that night I truly accepted God as Savior of my life. I will never forget that moment.
Years passed and I continued to be involved in church & learn more about this God that I now knew personally. The summer before my sophomore year in high school, I participated in a Nazarene traveling youth choir called Destiny. One concert, I remember having that same feeling...God was speaking to me again. I remember during that outdoor concert telling God that not only did I love him with all of my heart, but I wanted him to really be Lord of all of my life....every part.....my language, my activities, my attitude, etc. I wanted to be completely His.
God & I had a great relationship. He was a constant companion...guiding me & leading me through every decision. In January 1999, God brought a wonderful guy into my life. In August 2002, God blessed our marriage, and together as a couple we begin to pray for God to use us for his ministry. A year later, God blessed us with a tremendous opportunity to leave IL and travel to TN for a wonderful career move for Corey. We were so excited and continually felt God leading us down this path. However, a week after we had moved, things went terribly wrong. Things were happening to Corey at work that caused us to doubt why God had brought us there. A very long month later, Corey could take no more & resigned. When the owners of the company got word of the happenings, they sent us an apology letter along with reimbursement for moving expenses. Eventually, the owners came in, cleaned house & took care of the situation.....but it was too late for Corey. He could endure no more, and our faith had been shattered. Why had God so clearly brought us to this place? to this situation? to this mess? We both felt that God had left us. After years of us both loving our God, we both turned our backs to Him. If this is what following God's will was like, we wanted nothing to do with it. We were both mad & hurt.
Thankfully, we have a Christian family & friends who were praying for us when we couldn't. They invited us to Bible studies, church activities, Sunday school, and so on. We participated....begrudgingly.....because we wanted to keep our families happy. I remember during one session of my Ladies' Bible Study, the question was posed....."What role of God do you need him to be in your life?" Examples were: Father, Comforter, Rock, etc. My answer was easy.....Friend. I felt like my dearest & closest friend had betrayed me, and I needed him to be a true friend.....the friend I remembered growing up. On the way home from that session that night, the song, Praise You in This Storm, came on the radio. I just sat in my driveway, and cried. Cried out all the hurt, cried out all the pain, cried out in forgiveness....and that's when the healing began. It wasn't like the next day I was all better, but it was the first step. And over time, God was able to heal our hurt & restore our relationship with Him. I had always believed that even though we may not understand the situation, God always has a plan for us. It wasn't until years later that Corey and I realized why God had led us to that situation. Corey & I have led a very "easy-ish" life.....nothing ever all that traumatic had ever happened to either of us. Not only did it cause us to "grow up", but this situation brought Corey & I extremely close to each other. No one else in this world knows what we went through & how it felt....only the two of us. And when Corey & I talk about that time in our life, we both agree that we wouldn't change a thing. The benefits far outweigh the scars. The bond that was created between Corey & I will never fade. We endured a horrible thing together, turned our back on God together, and found our way back to God together.
Now, fast forward to the day Ethan was diagnosed with autism. Because of what we have experienced in the past, Corey & I knew that, no matter what, God has a master plan. And because of our past, we were able to handle this news better than if we hadn't endured that period of time. Do I ever ask "why?" Absolutely. Will I blame God for this & turn my back on Him? Never. Do I lean on him EVERY DAY for strength? Always. And now I even think that we went through such a difficult time in order to prepare us for learning to live with autism. That God....He is always a step ahead of us, isn't He!
So, on this Thanksgiving Day, I am very thankful for having a personal relationship with my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ.
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9
Amazing post. So proud of you for sharing this!
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